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I have been trying to recover from my childhood for about ten years now. I suffer from major deppression, anxiety, and post traumatic stress syndrome. I aquired these illness' through a series of traumatic events at a very youg age. I could not even recall my childhood at all until about six years ago, I am now 34. I knew that life had not been easy but I really had no idea of the horrors that came back to my concious mind in the for of nightmares and flashbacks. I thought I was going crazy! That would have been the easy way out.
The reality was that the love of my mother's life had been a pedophile and had molested my sister and I, unttil he die suddenly. Also that not only is my mother an alcoholic but also had conttributed to the abuse in her own fashion by ignoring some very obvious signs. Seeing my mother try to kill herself over the loss of this man was just another blow to my fragile sanity. All this in the first ten years of life.
So of course my mother then marries an alcholic(who else would have her?) I would just like to say at this point that I am only telling this story so that you the reader might better understand the causes of PTSD outside of war or natural dissasters. Anyway he was not a completely evil man but he sure loved his whiskey as much as mom loves her vodka. Yes you guessed it there was a lot of fighting. Meanwhile my mother is becoming more and more perverted. Well I just can't even go there. All I can say is that even though we had food clothing and shelter, life just wasn't worth the hassle and I had no idea it could be otherwise.
I still jump at loud noises, cringe when someone raises a hand any where near me and suffer daily the effects of all this. I think the most painful thing is that my own mother somone that I should love and be close to doesn't seem to have any sort of human decency behind her still foggy eyes. I have finally taken the steps neccessary to remove her completely from my life, the abuse never did end she never got better and she left me no choice. The only way for me to teach my daughters to be strong and also loving is for me to love myself enough to escape my mothers abusive relationship. And I don't feel even the tinyest bit of guilt but only releif!


Ben Armstrong -- Abuse Recovery Resources
Impact Of Child Sexual Abuse
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Internet Mental Health Resources
SOSA PTSD Message Board
Post-Trauma Treatment Associates
Behavioral Medicine Associates, Inc. Homepage
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - Panic/Anxiety Disorders Net Links
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Anxiety, Panic, and PTSD Resources - Mental Health Resources Net Links
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